Forever
by Wind
Summary: AAML fic, specially for those of you pokéshippers asking for me to do one! Misty finally gathers courage to tell Ash how she feels. I know, that sounds pathetic, but this is actually quite different fic. Really! You don't believe me? Then just read to fi


Author: Wind

Category: Romance

Rating: PG13

Feedback: Yes, please. You all know I love it! [bat_girl_2@hotmail.com][1]

Disclaimer: If I owned them, I wouldn't have time doing this. Or at least wouldn't have intrest, since I would be so filthy rich… But I'm not making any money out of this!!!

Author's notes: This is my second AAML fic. It's totally standing on it's own, meaning it has nothing to do with anything else I've been writing, like FI(AH). This is quite different from my other fics, it's bit more serious and… Oh, I don't know! People just have been asking for Pokéshippy story and this idea popped into my mind. I sat down I wrote non-stop. So, there may be spelling mistakes, lots of them. Anywayz, hope you enjoy this!

Forever

I stare out of the window, not seeing anything. My view is a blur, I can feel burning tears running down my cheeks. I never though it could end up beeing this painful. It was supposed to be beautiful, it was supposed to make you happy… not make you feel like someone had thore your heart out after stabbing it countless times. I think it's raining outside. It doesn't matter. Nothing really matters anymore. I look at the knife in my hands. It seems to be the only thing I can clearly see. It's the door out, out of this pain. I lower it to my arm and with a quick movement cut a wound. Blood start slowly running out of it and the fysical pain reaches my brains. I cut another wound. Some blood is dripping on my shorts, but I don't care. I stare out of the window again, pressing my hand on the wounds in my other arm. Is this really… Should I… Am I even able to… It can't be wothy… And then I feel sharp pain piercing my body and my mind goes black.

I hear noises. Someone is running up the stairs, two steps at a time. There are loud knocks on the door of my room. Well, it's not really my room, but he's letting me use it. The person knocks again. I don't even think about getting up and opening the door, that though doesn't even cross my mind. I think I should have thought about opening that door. Is there something wrong with me? The door is pushed open and a boy rushes in. Oh, his hazel eyes, that I could spend eternity watching in, his black spiky hair, that I wanna run my fingers through, his adorable face, that I wanna cover with sweet kisses, his gorgeous body… I look at him, his worried expression. He stares at something and I watch as his eyes grew wider with shock, as he gets a horrified, almost scared. 

"Misty…?" he quietly calls my name. The words hardly escape his lips, they seem to be caught in his throat. He takes a step forward, a step towards me. He repeats my name, over and over. Why? Ash, what's wrong?! He doesn't say anything, he just slowly takes a step forward. Why doesn't he answer to me?! Ash, Ash, what's the matter?!? He seems to be staring right through me. I stare in his eyes. They're filled with disbelieve, denieal. I hear him muttering: "God, no…" before he turns around and runs out of the room. He didn't answer to me. Why? Whar was he so upset about? Is there something going on that I don't know?

Now it's definitely raining. I can see that. All these people, standing in the rain. This scene… There's something familiar. I just can't quite put my fingers on it. I see my sisters, they're all sobbing, tissues tightly gluthed in their hands. I can't figure out any reason for them to be out side in rain. I see professor Oak. He has an arm around Mrs Ketchum. He looks older than usually, looks very tired. He must be working too hard… Ash's mom has this expression of deep sadness on her face, her eyes a light shade of red, proving that she has been crying. I see Brock, staring at the ground. He looks up, and moves his eyes to watch someone. I move my gace to the same, just to find Ash. He's standing there, rain washing down on him, staring straight ahead, hard expression on his face. Maybe even angry. Who is he angry to? Why? Brocks moves over to Ash and places a hand on his shoulder. He says something, but I can't hear what. There is one more person on the scene, a man. A priest. And there's someone in a coffin in the middle of them all. I reach over to see who. It's a teenage girl. Her face is very pale and a ocean colored dress is covering her slender body. Her shining red hair hanging free, framing her peaceful face. She's me. She's dead. This thought slowly sinks in my mind. I'm death. I can't think of anything but those little words. I'm death. Yet, it doesn't effect me. I don't feel upset, I don't feel panic, I don't feel scared. I don't feel a thing. Until one thought pops in my mind. How did this happen? How did I die?

I can almost see it, a beautiful morning. I woke up in Ash's house. We had arrived few days ago to Pallet and Ash wanted to spend sometime with his mother and Prof Oak. Those two had got married few years ago. Well, anyway, it had been a beautiful morning, that kind of morning, which promises you a great day. Sun shined brightly, the sky was blue, you could see butterfrees flying around and pidgeys singing. Even the grass on the front yard had seemed greener than usually, when I looked out of the window. I had thrown on my usual outfit and dashed downstairs to find Ash eating breakfast. I took some as well and during we ate, he told me Brock was coming to Pallet that day. He had parted to his own way some time ago, but he was our friend and I felt happy knowing we would see him soon. After breakfast I and Ash went out, to a little river. We just sat down in the grass, sun caressing our skins. I had felt so safe. I had felt happy. I looked over at him, he was lying next to me, his silly cap over his lovable face. We had known each other for ages, and I had loved him for just as long, never daring to tell how I felt. I was afraid I would loose what I had already, and I couldn't take that risk. I couldn't take the risk of loosing my best friend because of a silly crush. But it wasn't a silly crush, for it hadn't wore of with time. It had only got stronger and stronger. Lately, I had been picking up hints of him liking me too. As I watched him, I decided it was time to come open with it. I had to one day and today was just so perfect.

"Ash…" I asked quitly"

"Uh-huh?" he muttered under his cap.

I stared at the ground, tearing grass with my fingers. I was so nervous. I took a quick look at him, before taking a deep breath. "Ash, what would you say if I told you love you?" I heard myself asking, with soft, slightly shaking voice. He brusted out to amused laughter. I felt my heart sinking to my feets. He was laughing at me. I told him I loved him and he laughed. He lifted his cap to look at me and met my eyes with his. How I loved his eyes! I tried not to show how deeply hurt I was, but my eyes obviously gave me in.

"What?" he asked "You didn't really mean that, did you?"

A little smile was playing on his lips. A smile, that clearly said"You were really stupid enough to think I would love you too". On that very moment I hated him. Hated that little smile, that was laughig at me, hated him for making me love him like this. I placed my hands against the ground and pushed myself up. He didn't say anything as walk away towards his house. My heart was bleeding and I was trying to fight back tears. I hurry my steps through the streets of Pallet. I've almost reached the Ketchums' house, when I bumb to someone. I look up and see Brock. I should be happy to see him, but right then I was more than willing to wish him straight to hell. 

"Hey Misty!" he greeded me with a smile. I could have sworned that his smile was laughing at my stupidy as well. 

"If you're looking for Ash, his by the river" I muttered as I brushed past him. I think he looked after me for a while, but he didn't come after me. That was a good thing. When I finally got Ash's house, I pushed the door open and ran upstairs into the room I was sleeping. I couldn't fight the tears anymore. They were rolling down my cheeks as I dropped to the floor. My heart was aching so badly it caused me fysical pain. I felt so stupid. I felt so alone. I felt betraited. I didn't want to love him like this, I didn't want to love him at all. And I didn't want to live without his love. As I realiced that, I quickly wiped my eyes and got up. I picked my backbag and rumbled through it and finally found what I was looking for. A little knife that I carried with me, so I could open food cans. Yes, a can-opener would have been handier, but I didn't have one. At that moment, I was happy I didn't. I took the knife and walked to the window. My vision had gone misty again, for new tears were forming in my eyes.

Is that what happened? Is that how I died? Killing myself? No. It doesn't feel right. It could have happened that way. I look around me. Everyone except Ash are gone. His standing next to lifeless body, staring to my face. He reaches out his hand to touch my cheek, to caress it gently. The rain is washing over him. His hair are hanging on his face. He wipes them away with a simple movement, not removing his gace from me. The way he's looking at me… so soft and yet, deep in his eyes, so full of anger. Is he angry at me? I hear someone coming. I look and see Brock. He watches Ash, with great sorrow on his face. He walks to Ash, placing his hand on Ash's shoulder again.

"Ash… it's time to go" Brock says with soft voice, full of sympaty. 

"No… I just… I wanna watch her little longer…" I hear Ash answering, not moving his eyes from my face.

"We really do have to go," Brock states with a voice that tells he means it."Ash, there is nothing here you can do. There is nothing you could do for her."

Ash slowly moves his eyes to Brock. I let out a little gasp. Ash expression is so hard, so angry. 

"I'm not going anywhere." His voice is so calm it almost scares me.

"Look, you can't stay here, standing in the rain. I know you're hurt, we all are…"

"You can't have any idea what I feel!!!"

Brock backs off few steps, surprised of Ash yell. They look at each other for awhile, then Ash lowers his head.

"I… I'm sorry Brock. I seem to hurt everyone I care about…"

"It's ok Ash. I understand. This is really hard for you." Brock's voice is quiet and comforting. "But she wouldn't wanna see you like that. C'mon, let's go inside." He puts his arm around Ash's shoulder.

"She's dead… " I hear Ash's voice replying flatly."She killed herself because of me"

Did I? Did I really do that? I can't remember. Yes, I was hurt, but… That hurt? I can't believe I would have done that. I follow the boys to the house.

I don't know about the time. It losts its meaning after you die. I think it must have been few days of my funeral. I still can't remember killing myself. I can't understand why I'm here. I mean… shouldn't death people go to somewhere else? I haven't seen any other ghosts. Uh, I hate that word. Maybe not hate… I don't feel that much at all. Only real feeling is confusement. The phone rings! I turn my face to see who gets it, to find out what it is about. I see Ash. He looks so pale, like a ghost himself. He feeld so guilty, I've been watching him. It's really awful to see someone you care about suffering and not beeing able to comfort them. His never alone, not really. There is always his mother or Brock or professor Oak with him. Think they're afraid he might hurt himself. He might. I've seen him looking at sharp objects like that… My thoughts are cut off by his voice as he answers the phone. He look at him as he intencively listens to the person at the other end. After a while he simply nods. If possible he's looking even more pale. But I see another difference too. He doesn't look so haunted anymore. Ash puts the phone done and walks to the kitchen, I follow him. It's becoming a habit of mine, following him. In the room I see his mother and Brock. They both look at Ash. I hear his mother:

"Ash, sweety, why don't you sit down?"

He shakes his head standing at the door way.

"She didn't do it, mom" his voice rings through my ears.

"Who?" Ash's mom look confused.

"Misty. She didn't kill herself" 

I let out a gasp. I knew it. I didn't do it! But… I'm still death… what… Ash continues speaking, his voice having a slight hint of happyness mixed with all the sorrow:

"Misty didn't kill herself, she was killed. Officer Jenny just called. They've got this guy down at the station, who has confessed. Jenny told me he's part of Team Rocket, or at least used to. Now, he's obviously insane. He has killed at least 3 persons."

"Oh… that's awful, dear!" mrs Ketchum said, but Ash just ignored her.

"Misty must have forget to close the front door. She was upset… But she didn't kill herself"

"And it wasn't your fault. Now, can you stop blaming yourself?" Brock asked. He has listened the whole story quietly. His words sorta woke Ash up from the trance he had been since the phone call.

"I… I can't stop missing her… I don't want to… but it wasn't my fault… it wasn't my fault she died." He finally blurted out.

The sun is shining brightly. It's so beautiful. Such a perfect day. Clear blue skie, flowers everywhere. It's spring. A lonely figure is standing by a grave stone. He touches the cold smooth stone lightly. I watch Ash. His face is pictures still sorrow, but the guild is gone. He is so hanfsome. I hear his voice:

"Misty… I… I wanted to say goodbye. Yeah, I'm leaving again to my jorney. There is so much to be done out there. It just feels weird leaving without you… You were there with me for some many years. You were my dearest friend…"he gulps and I can see his eyes watering up "God, Mist, why did you have to die? Why you…? You know, when I saw you on the floor, all that blood… I couldn't believe it. You couldn't be gone… But you were. 'Cause of me. Or that's what I thought. I wanted to die. No one knows how much… And then, finding out you didn't die 'cause of me. "He lets out a slight laugh." I should have known it. You wouldn't kill yourself, you were too strong. You were always strong. Helping me out when I needed help, always beeing there for me… Why did you have to die? It should have been me, for hurting you like that… Misty, really, I didn't mean to… I honestly didn't mean to. When you asked me… what would I do if you told me you loved me… I didn't know what to do… I thought maybe you had been joking… but when I looked at you, I knew you hadn't… you really liked me, didn't you? I couldn't believe it… I felt so happy…" That what it had been! His smile, it had been out of happiness. "And then you just left… I realiced I hadn't say a thing… you probably though I didn't care… I was about to go after you, but Brock arrived and I figured I could tell you later… serves me right that there was no later…" Ash looks at the in front of him. A simple stone with a name written in it, a name so dearly loved. A single tear rolls down his face."Mist… I know it's too late… it's too late for us… too late to be together… too late to hold your hand… too late to kiss you… to make love to you… to marry you… to have children with you… to grow old with you. And maybe it's too late for this as well, but… I love you. I always have and I always will. Forever." He kissed the flower he was holding and placed it next to the stone. "I love you Misty" he whispered as he turned away. I felt myself beeing pulled away, pulled to a totally different place. I watched his back as he walked slowly away, tears forming in my eyes. " I love you too Ash. And where ever I'm now going, I'll wait for you there, no matter what" I whispered, tears rolling down my cheeks. And I went higher and higher… For the first time after all of this I felt something. I felt happiness, so ever drowning I could hardly stand it. He loved me. I love him. That is stronger than anything. I know that one day, one day, we will finally be together. Together forever, like we were ment to be.

Yes people, that was it! I know the ending is not very good, but as said this all came out of sudden inspiration. Please, please, review this! Praise, critism, flames… anything! I just need to know how I did and I'll know wether or not write more AAML stories. So, if you read it, review. And even if you didn't read it*grin*. See, I'm not picky when it comes to feedback?*smile*

   [1]: mailto:bat_girl_2@hotmail.com



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